13 January 2021

AUTHENTICITY: the way to a full and happy life.

I’ve made up my mind: this year I want to focus on the topic I care most about: authenticity.
Articles, posts, webinars and … a podcast! Vlady convinced me, and after setting up the microphone and programs, I can’t back down anymore.
I’ve always written and posted about topics that I feel are true, valid at the time, so for me to choose a topic and explore it for an entire year is a big challenge, but I’m ready, are you?

You often tell me that I explain difficult things in an easy way, that the language I use allows skeptical people to approach the world of personal growth. I accept this valuable feedback, and I promise not to expand on the theory, always bringing you into the reality through experiences, cases and exercises.

For honesty and to be professional I declare that I have not invented anything, if not studied, digested, integrated, applied and transformed in my own way some texts by Carl R. Rogers, A. Maslow and S. Joseph.

What is authenticity?
What does it mean to be yourself?

Have you ever met people who have experienced illnesses, losses…big problems…and noticed in them a strong determination to live a life more true to themselves?

They call it “post-traumatic growth”, I’ve observed it in friends, clients that I have supported in their development path, and also in myself: a clear alignment of values and goals that creates a consistency in life, as if the shock makes us realize that we have no time to waste in trying to be what we are not …. time wasted no?! A prioritization of what matters.

It’s as if life’s adversity works – for some people – as a catalyst in wanting a more authentic lifestyle.

The pursuit of authenticity doesn’t mean a life free of pain, fear, grief or sorrow, but it does allow us to live in a more focused and meaningful way, especially when confronted with suffering.

It’s too bad we have to get to confront illness or the death of our loved ones to receive this shake that makes us wake up. It’s as if when faced with tragedy or loss we begin to appreciate what we have, beginning to give our lives a more authentic direction.

So do we have to wait for something tragic to happen in our lives to learn something?
No, we can decide to wake up now, and take the first step on the path to authenticity.

When we begin to listen to ourselves and respect ourselves, life takes another direction, with meaning and purpose.
This is what happens when we seek a helping relationship: by beginning to engage with a person who can listen to us and welcome us for who we are, without judgment, we learn to do this with ourselves.

It is in good relationships that we are most able to be ourselves.

The moment we feel welcomed and not judged, we have the opportunity to really show up for who we are, we don’t need to put on a mask.
Instead of pretending to be what we are not, we start listening to ourselves and making decisions that are more authentic, more true to ourselves.

Authentic people are happy people: living an authentic life can be the most reliable path to lasting fulfillment.

In my work I support people to find their authenticity.
Of course, I don’t know what is good or true for you; I don’t give you any advice.
We’re in a relationship, an authentic relationship, where I act as a mirror and you re-appropriate little pieces of yourself that you’ve lost over time, or lighten up big pieces that you’ve given too much weight to. In helping you be real or true, I am in constant touch with my own truth, or at least trying to!

We train your awareness so that you can come to choose what really matters to you. Choose, not suffer. Act in consciousness, not react.
We’ll talk about this in depth, but whenever we’re defensive we’re far from being authentic.

To make conscious choices and live authentically, it is crucial to know yourself and be yourself.

To live a full and satisfying life it is important to realize the potential that is inherent in our nature. Each of us has our own unique mix of character traits, skills, resources, talents.

Well, let’s try now to think about the vegetable garden.
We mash up the soil, prepare it, then sow and/or plant, right?
Then what do you do… leave everything there?
Oh no, it has to be watered, protected, the weeds have to be removed when they grow…

To realize our potential we must take care of ourselves, cultivate our resources, take care of our relationships, so that we can grow like beautiful plants nourished by water and sun.

When our basic needs like a roof, food, a job are met, we can devote ourselves to our personal growth. Growing makes us free, happy, fulfilled and allows us to contribute in a healthy way to the environment around us, made of people, affections, work, society…. in a nutshell we function and are functional.

On the contrary, if our potential remains unexplored, we are dissatisfied, frustrated, we do not function and our behavior becomes dysfunctional for ourselves and for others… up to the most destructive forces.

Knowing yourself is the first step you need to take toward authenticity.

Knowing yourself means being the author of your life.

Authenticity asks us to:

– understand how we are made, how we function;
– be aware of our emotional state and know how to manage it;
– know how to openly express our state with others, recognizing when it is appropriate to do so.

It’s people’s ability to live congruently that makes life good – having purpose and striving for more and more authenticity in every moment.

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