24 June 2021

What blocks our authenticity?
What blocks us from becoming fully who we are?
What blocks our self-fulfilment?
What blocks creativity?
What blocks empathy?
What prevents us from really understanding ourselves?
Again: judgement.
It is natural and intrinsic to human beings to judge a behaviour, an action, a product or even a person as right or wrong according to the rules of their group or their personal values.
Does this happen to you too?
Every human being needs both freedom and a sense of belonging, I have talked about this here.
It doesn’t matter which social group you belong to, want to belong to, or want to break free from, the fact is that since hunter-gatherer times human beings have needed the group to survive, and every group has rules.
We can agree with those rules, they can be in line with our values, or we can go against the rules, we can want to change them.
“Right’ or ‘wrong’ depends on our rules system, to which we have decided to adhere, oppose, suffer, ignore.
When we relate to the external environment, we meet other people, with their sense of what is right and what is wrong.
In reality there is no such clear distinction between right and wrong.
How do you feel when you decide to do your own thing?
Are you afraid of the judgement of others?
Do you take responsibility for your choices?
Judgments are thoughts. Thoughts are created by man, like a film.
Think about religions, politics: they are man-made belief systems.
Believing the same things, valuing the same theories, brings us together, satisfies our need to belong.
Fear of judgement from others blocks the possibility of being who you really are.
When you are afraid of being judged, try to stop and ask yourself what you think of others: every finger pointing outwards has three pointing towards you, have you ever noticed?
What is your relationship with your inner judge?
Are those rules really important to you? Have you ever thought about them?
Which ones do you really feel are in line with your values and which ones perhaps represent the values of your family?
Which ones do you feel you are upholding? Which rules do you fight against?

It is difficult to distinguish what is true for you from what you felt in your childhood.
Some of these things we swallowed without chewing, some we rejected with all strength, some we simply took for granted, we believed.
How does a child distinguish what is true from the films of those around him?
It is only through personal growth that it is possible to ‘cleanse’ oneself of the ideas of others and begin to see things with one’s own eyes.
But what does it mean to clean oneself up? To get to the point where you no longer have your own opinions? What about critical thinking?
Of course it is fundamental to have an opinion, what doesn’t work is believing that our idea – even if it is common to many other people – is the absolute truth.
How can we live with other cultures, with other traditions?
How can we collaborate?
The main tool to go beyond judgement, to really meet the other is listening. Listen to yourself, observe your thoughts, recognise your emotional nuances.
Eh ma…. suspend judgement for a moment.
Try to see what happens if you listen to the other person, setting aside your own judgement for five minutes. You won’t lose it, relax, it’s not so easy to get rid of it! Try to listen to how you feel while the other person is talking.
Only with empathy is it possible to really understand each other.
Train yourself to observe without judging, it is the highest form of intelligence.
Just as judgement blocks creativity and creative adjustment, it also blocks the ability to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes.
Judgment must be suspended, both negative and positive.
I suspend it for a moment, I put myself in front of another human being.
Try it now.
Try to observe your breath.
The air that enters through your nose, the air that comes out of your mouth.
Observe without judging, without making comparisons, it’s just the way it is.
Too often our own bias prevents us from experiencing, limits us.
Try suspending this judgement with openness, curiosity, creativity.
I already know how it ends… I’m not able to do it anyway, I can’t do it…
How often do you express yourself like this?
Demands, expectations, judgments block your ability to love yourself, to accept yourself.
Learn to address yourself in a more respectful way, trust your own capacity to evolve. If you continue to limit yourself, to blame yourself, to find excuses and justifications, you only limit your own freedom.
Nobody is perfect, nobody.
If you judge yourself, you limit yourself, you don’t allow yourself to evolve.
Self-acceptance allows us to remain open to experiences, to see ourselves clearly.
If you don’t accept yourself, if you don’t fit in, if your inner judge always has his finger on you, you will always be looking for external approval, and that means not being free to be who you are.

If authenticity is important to you, find a way to deal with your inner judge!

What happens in our relationships goes accordingly.
If I don’t notice my own thoughts, I hardly notice my criticism of others. If I think inside myself that everyone who works in the administrative area is a bureaucrat, even if I don’t say it out loud, my attitude will carry this prejudice and it will be difficult to communicate.
That thought limits my experience, limits my perception of reality.
Let’s practice suspending judgement!
See you next week, with a little more authenticity!