29 July 2020

MATERNAGE.

I’m glad to see that last week’s article intrigued you! Today I speak to the feminine that is inside every human being, in percentages that vary regardless of sex and gender. Motherhood is an aspect of the feminine.

Some of you know that my path to becoming a mother is all uphill. As a good mountain woman I walk it in small steps enjoying the hard work, the sweat, the pain and the wonderful landscapes. I start from this premise because in the last six years I have tackled the theme of motherhood with different nuances and intensities: desire, illusion, projection, frustration, so much frustration, letting go, attempts at assisted procreation, letting go again and then opening ourselves – and I underline the “us” – to adoption.

I took care of all the emotional, bodily, psychic aspects of not being a mother, of the difficulty in generating, of accepting failure.

About two years ago I took part in a group led by Alessandra Callegari entitled:

“Lived and unlived motherhood, biological and social.”

The title seemed really suitable at the time: we were 10 women, 5 mothers, 5 without children.

With great gracefulness Alessandra guided us on a journey into maternal energy, which we all have, regardless of having or not having children.

In a free culture, we can choose to live it or not, to recognize it or not, but this energy is within us.

The intense bodily, emotional and expressive work was marked by fundamental stages of motherhood: generating, welcoming, nourishing, caring, accompanying the first steps, assisting the growth, letting go.

Did we talk about children?

Practically never, if not for some sharing of the five biological mothers present.

So what did we do? What did we work on?

The central theme of this intense 4-day work was “The Project”.

My project was and is Mestieri-LABĀ®: a creature of mine who is now 6 years old.

Do you notice any coincidences? For about six years I have been travelling towards being a mother of children, but in these six years I haven’t had any children to nurse, cradle, play with, educate, take to school, to the doctor, learn how to eat and tie their shoes…

The maternal energy partly goes to the couple, to the house, to friendships, to my work that I love so much. We all do that, don’t we? Some women more others less, depending on character, tastes and possibilities.

All the mothers who work, also clean the house, take care of other things besides the children, right?

So, given 100 as our total energy, how much energy goes to the children – and maybe see if there is any difference according to age groups – and how much goes to the rest?

During the lock down many of you told me that it was impossible to work with children in the house, right? So the energy that goes to the kids is a lot, right?
Small parenthesis: most of the individual sessions during this period are about the frustration of having small children and not being able to do anything else!

All that energy, the one dedicated to the children, I put it in Mestieri-LABĀ®.

If I want it to grow up well, I have to dedicate myself, and a lot. I can’t forget to feed him! I spent so much time working on Saturdays and Sundays, without earning money, having to do it all over again. I have always had confidence in this project, and today that the courses are online is like watching this child go to school. Elisabetta has been working with me for a year now, and I hope soon to introduce you to other wonderful collaborators.

So girls, beyond knowing how to organize, being a good manager, let’s all remember that after 100 of motherly energy, we can’t expect ourselves to use it both to generate children and to generate projects. You can do both, of course, but at different times.

This regardless of the distribution of tasks in the house: the moment I give birth, nurture and take care, the energy goes all there. When I can delegate breastfeeding and care, I can also choose my career, everyone does what is best for themselves, for their family.

Have I been able to pass the concept on to you?