What does it take to be authentic?
Has anyone ever told you that to be able to improvise you need to know the subject matter really well?
To be authentic we need to know ourselves well, to know how we function, to be aware of what is going on inside us in response to the environment, to know how to manage ourselves, to be prepared.
We enter the big chapter of knowing ourselves, the heart of my work.
How do we simply be who we are without trying to be something else to seem better? Any effort to be different from what we are takes us far from being authentic.
Let’s get back to basics, let’s get back down to earth, let’s be in the present moment.
How are you on the inside? What is going on outside, in your surroundings?
Let us take things as they are.
Let us learn to observe the situation without judging it!
To be authentic is to look the reality in the eye, to see ourselves for what we are, even if it hurts sometimes.
In order to see ourselves for what we are, we need honesty, humility and firmness.
Honesty in recognizing our limitations, in recognizing our helplessness when needed. We cultivate our personal power – but recognize its limits. We will talk more about empowerment later.
Humility in the sense of being able to question ourselves, to see things from different points of view, to be open without prejudice.
Then we need the ability to be firm, rooted in our centre, to feel what is right for us. Being firm is very different from being rigid, if you want to learn more about this difference watch the exercise on IGTV | ME-TIME | DAY2 series.
I’m clear about what happens to me inside, I’m clear about what happens outside. I can go from inside to outside, from outside to inside without getting confused. I listen to my inner voice. I listen to my gut, my instinct, I observe my emotions, only then I can interact with the outside world without getting confused.
Knowing myself allows me to listen to myself.
Listening to myself allows me to feel what is good for me.
Only then can I interact with the outside world in a healthy way.
If I don’t distinguish the inside from the outside well, there is only great confusion:
con-fusion | fuse with | con-fuse with me.
If I do not know how to recognize my own state and open myself up to the outside world, it is easy for me to become confused with it, to have difficulty distinguishing what is mine from what belongs to the other, to the environment. It’s easy for my actions to be aimed at satisfying the desires of the other – we talked about this in the episode “Ri-trova la tua autenticità”, talking about truth.
When I am distant from myself, from my true needs, it is difficult to make the right decisions, because I am not in touch with what is right or wrong for me. Maybe temporarily it benefits someone else, but in the long run I pay the consequences, i.e. I am not happy. Don’t get me wrong: we all go through times in life when we have to put our needs aside for family, work, friends. The important thing is to realize this. If we lose the habit of listening to ourselves, we will struggle to reconnect.
Right and wrong are relative, not absolute concepts.
What feels good to me might bother you.
If I am clear about who I am and what I feel, I am less likely to be influenced by other people’s opinions that might lead me wrong. To question ourselves, yes, but then we need to get back to our centre, otherwise if we let ourselves be influenced completely… we go off the road!
Only when we have total confidence in ourselves are we able to express our opinion, regardless of what others think. We can manage ourselves, own ourselves!
Authentic people take responsibility for their life choices. They know that they are the authors of their own lives. They don’t run away from their mistakes, they don’t blame others and they don’t blame themselves… but they learn from their mistakes and evolve.
Authentic people, authentic institutions, authentic companies are true to their values, their actions are consistent with their words. They inspire trust, they are credible.
Yet sometimes it is really hard to tell the truth, so we make excuses, justifications, avoid uncomfortable situations.
You can only be yourself if you know yourself so well that you can handle yourself!
We realize that we are authentic when our true intention goes further, when we take responsibility for our words and actions, when we are happy with the way we are. We accept ourselves in our power and powerlessness and accept that others see us as we really are.
When the perceived is like the real, with no discrepancy between how you would like to be seen and how you are. You just are! And you cannot please everyone!
However, how do we simply be? The point is to experiment and make mistakes and constantly feel what is good and what is not for us, step by step. We listen to each other, we know each other. Flexible but firm, resilient.
Now take out your notebook, write down these questions as inspiration:
Am I living a life true to myself ?
Do I feel free when making decisions?
Do I feel free to express my opinion?
Can I be myself every day, or only on certain occasions?
If you feel that you are far from living an authentic life, it may be time for some training, but I want to be honest to the end: this change will not happen overnight. It takes practice, time and perseverance.
When you choose this path, change comes sooner or later. If you are used or accustomed to acting to impress others it will take some time before you regain your authenticity, but with courage, commitment and humility it is possible.
Freedom, personal power, happiness, fulfillment will be part of your daily life.
Authenticity is made by your everyday choices, we build it. It is not a certificate to hang on the wall, but a life choice.
It is about realizing that we are the authors of our lives, we hold the pen!
See you soon, with an extra bit of authenticity!
