In order to realise our potential we need relationships that are rich in empathy, genuine.
Relationships that make us feel unconditionally supported.
We need to be in relationships with people who inspire us to bring out the best in us.
Relationships without empathy, those full of judgement and prejudice are toxic for us.
Sometimes we don’t realise it, we don’t realise it because we are used to judgement, it is precisely that which has conditioned us.
It takes a lot of energy to be able to remain ourselves in toxic relationships, it is much easier to adapt and accept the other person’s conditions.
Is it clear what I am talking about?
If you struggle to see it on yourself, think about those around you.
“When the boss arrives my colleague changes, you can see he does everything to suit him…”
“When his wife is around you can see he doesn’t make jokes…”
“The kid in front of his grandparents never jokes because he thinks he’s only OK if he’s serious…”
I’m talking about relationships in the broadest sense of the word.
Remember when we talked about needs?
Well, in order to satisfy our needs we are in constant exchange between inside ourselves and the external environment.
I’m hungry: I relate to the person at the supermarket counter, or the person selling vegetables at the market, or the person selling seeds. Even if I buy online, there is a relationship, OK?
I need a job, so I relate to the job market, the company, the customers, the colleagues. We are in a constant relationship.
For every need I have, I relate to the outside world.
There are relationships that make us grow, mature, and therefore help us on our way to fulfillment. They are the relationships in which we can allow ourselves to be as we are, without fear of being judged.
Who do you relate to? Try making a list, in the last episode of the podcast I suggest an exercise.
What are these relationships like?
In which ones do you feel intimacy, trust, relaxation?
In which ones do you feel misunderstanding, conflict?
In which ones do you feel you can show yourself 100% for who you are?
In which do you feel it is better to hold back a little, to make an effort, to set the tone?
The way we relate, the nuance, the tone, the quantity of our relationships and the quality depend on our character, our degree of awareness and our degree of maturity.
Character cannot be changed, but it can evolve.
Knowing well how we are made allows us not to act in automatic old patterns, remember when we talked about autopilot?
Awareness is trained.
Maturity is cultivated!
How?
With authentic relationships, those that allow us to grow, to drop our defenses, to be intimate, to listen.
It is only through listening and empathy that we can understand each other and get to know each other.
Sustainability is a concept on which I insist a lot, not only in couples but in general: we must be able to sustain the relationship.
The authentic relationship requires time, energy, it requires putting oneself on the line. It requires honesty. Not all of us can do it all the time, so it has to be agreed, just like a contract yes!
To be in an authentic relationship we need to be connected with our needs both to be able to express them clearly to the other and not to project them onto the other.
Each of us has our own ways of defending ourselves, and until we see and accept them, it is difficult to learn others. Difficult, but not impossible. With a good mirror and a good dose of courage we can see everything and… it’s never too late to learn!
I look forward to seeing you next week, with a little more authenticity!
